Have you ever heard the saying, “be careful what you wish for?” How about “never look a gift horse in the mouth,” or “one in the hand is worth two in the bush?” If not, don’t feel bad. The first one, I learned from a Metallica song, and as for the second two, I only know because I’m from a small, rural community where the elderly have nothing better to do than sit on porches, drink, say borderline racist things, and offer good old fashioned, down-homey advice, usually without provocation. All of those sayings mean, to a certain extent, that you shouldn’t ask a question if you can’t handle the answer, and that’s exactly the situation we have here.
It’s an age-old story, really, and a trope of a number of movies about war. Soldier goes off to battle, leaving the woman he loves at home, intending to come back to her once he’s able to hang up his gun. Alas, while he’s away, she, feeling neglected or forgotten, turns to the comforts of another man and falls out of love with our hero. Well, let’s just say that I’d bet real money that the guy in this story WISHES that was all that happened to him. And I’m a broke-ass writer, so I don’t bet the real money unless I’m pretty sure I’m right.
So our story starts out innocently enough, if not a little humble-braggy. Our buddy-in-uniform, whom we’ll be calling Reggie Regret, was feeling pretty damn good about himself. Graduated from “Navy Seal” training: check. Woman he loves on his arm, beaming with pride: check. He was feeling so damn good that he decided he wanted to share his happiness with the lovely trolls of 4chan. For some reason. Which I will never understand. Ever, because that’s not something that a regular, well-adjusted person does…
“Rate me and my gf /pol/, just finished navy seals training in this pic. Currently on vacation in [S]candanavia. [I’m] the most alpha on 4chan.”
So, for starters, probably not a good idea to be calling yourself the big dog on 4chan. Those lads live to knock people down a peg, and they possess both the necessary technological acumen and combination of free time and vindictiveness to do it. Spectacularly.
However, things didn’t immediately spiral out of control. The first comments are actually all centered around his Navy Seals claims, and nothing more. They call him out for his uniform, lack of regalia, etc. OP quickly replied that the picture was from a different part of his training. That’s when the first telltale signs of further trouble cropped up!
*Due to censorship regulations, we are forced to black out parts of the text. We apologize. However, I don’t think it takes much for you to fill in the blanks*
The first sign that someone, somewhere, might just have recognized Reggie’s lady friend from…somewhere…
Anon takes it to the next level, putting the situation into actual words, the kind that can be distinguished even by those who don’t spend their time surfing questionable threads on even more questionable boards.
Now this is where things start to get messy. Remember the free time, go-get-em attitude and “we hate all you and your happiness” mentality of many (all) 4chan users? Well, say what you will about them, but they truly are capable of some astounding feats of re-search and destroy when they want to. Honestly, I think this one was probably a cake walk for them…prepare yourselves.
4chan threads can be notoriously confusing for people who aren’t familiar with them, so I’ve taken the liberty of highlighting a few key things you need to know in the next few images. To begin…
As soon as you hear someone talking about peoples “scenes,” and they haven’t done so much as a damn commercial spot for Vagisil, it’s time to get worried!
For anyone unaware (as I was at the point of writing, because clearly adult life is causing me to slip on how much time I spent plumbing the depths of the internet), GDP stands for Girls Do Porn, and is the name of one of the most popular “amateur” erotica sites on the web. Still, we’re just flinging accusations around at this point, it’s not like someone could…
…FIND A DAMN SCREEN GRAB!
Poor, poor Reggie!
I know it’s difficult to say with any manner of certainty from the size of the threaded image whether that is or is not Reggie’s girl, so a little bit of digging was required. I honestly wish I hadn’t found anything, but…
That’s definitely Mrs. Reggie!
And, most tragic of all, she’s wearing the exact same god damned clothes to the shoot! If that isn’t the icing on the cake, no pun intended, I don’t know what is!
Once the big reveal happens, Reggie shows up to find to a number of absolutely NSFW images and heaps and heaps of vitriol from the anons of 4chan. Reggie hopped back on this thread to defend his girl, saying that he knew about all of it, and that he’d forgiven her and that they were perfectly happy. Obviously, this only fueled the fire and made things worse.
Long story short, our boy Reggie got completely roasted. After bragging about being the “most alpha on 4chan,” he was quickly reduced to the biggest beta of all time, learned a horrible truth about the woman he loved, lost her, and probably will never be able to see anyone dressed in a black top and blue jeans again without experiencing crushing waves of despair, loathing, and, if he truly does belong on 4chan, arousal.
Remember kids, be careful what you wish for!